As I continue on my journey of learning to love and accept all aspects of myself I am finding missing pieces and things I have disconnected from. I recently realized my luck is one of them.
I would think that most people would be happy to called lucky....not me. The word causes me to cringe. Somewhere in my life I must have learned to view luck as a bad thing. The easy way out. The cheaters way.
That by being lucky I was somehow cheating life. That by being lucky I was doing wrong to others who weren't lucky.
Crazy, right? Well let's think about it. If people see me as lucky they don't see that I deserve what I have gotten. That I haven't paid my dues. By being lucky others might be jealous or envy my luck. I know I envy other people who have luck. I think those same thoughts about "lucky" people.
Why wouldn't I want to be lucky? Lucky is easy. It's quick. Requires little work. But that's just why I have pushed it away. I want to show my worth, my efforts and know that I have earned it.
Many times in my life people have thrown that word at me and I cringe like that just cursed at me. Oh...LUCK YOURSELF, I think.
I will never forget, when I landed a good job many years ago somebody commented "Wow, you lucked into that job didn't you?" This angered me. I didn't luck into it. I deserved it. I had a great interview and they liked me. I earned my position and luck had nothing to do with it.
I can see it all over my life now that I am aware of it. I have shunned and pushed luck away like an icky thing that diminished my worth. All because I don't want people to think I am unworthy or to have them jealous of me.
Even in the times that I have been "lucky" I deny or use a different language to describe it. Never lucky.
Well to hell with all that!! I am taking my luck back! I have earned it and I do deserve it. So have all of you. So has every person I envy for getting a lucky break. We all deserve to be lucky and not feel guilt for having luck.
From this moment on I am reclaiming luck into my life. I will teach myself to admire those who are lucky and feel joy in my own lucky moments.
Here's to finding and reclaiming another piece of myself.
It might take some work but I am ready!!! Are you?? What pieces of yourself have you lost or pushed out of your life?